Right now, I'm watching Ella Enchanted for no other reason than that it is on. And it's hilarious because, the sound is a LEAST five seconds behind the pictures. Haahaaaaaha.
Basically, all I did today was go to soccer practice, wish I could go out of the house, read, and nap. And wish I could get out of the house. And miss Miko. And be grumpy from boredom. I had some double stuffed Oreos that made me feel fat. Then I looked at Elani's myspace and became infuriated. I know, I know. Why do I let her make me want to pour napalm into her nostrils? She's nothing except a spoiled girl, who flirts with every one , and thinks of no one but herself. I know that my quality of living is probably better than hers because I'm not a rotten person, and I know that I should NOT let her bother me. But everytime I start thinking about how a lot of people can't see this, and how she will probably waltz through life without ever knowing what it is to suffer, I want to saw off her toe nails. BLEEECHH.
Open House for my school starts in an hour and a half and I'm no where near ready. I don't feel like going. I don't feel like sitting here. Basically, the only thing I feel like is this day being over.
******
So I just got back, and it was not buckets of sunshine. I walked around to all my teachers and brown-nosed and smiled. I went up to old teachers whom I hated, but will never have again, and can thus humor by pretending that I have become enlightened and no longer ardently disagree with their opinions. After that, I saw Miko standing with my family, and I got very very excited because I miss him. It turns out that he had to be professional, which seems to be roughly translated to "we have to act like we hate being around each other, and be stiff, stuck-up, and cold."
(You have to understand that he has social-awkwardness-disease. Not really, but that's what I call it. Whereas my worst fear in this whole world is him falling out of my life, his worst fear has always been becoming the weirdo/smartypants/no one likes you kid. I love to socialize. I like giving people hugs and talking to them about their lives and sharing common interests. He cares so much about being rejected that he ends up spazzing. I have absolute nightmares about him leaving one year from now and never seeing him again. My hands literally shake just thinking about it. And, in turn, he tells me that he loves me and that I am perfect for him and he makes me giggle, even when I'm scared. At the end of the day, each of our worst personality flaws, are flawlessly leveled by the other. But I still really hate to be professional.
Worst of all, I always forget how gross being professional is. All I can remember is how perfectly in sync we always are, so when we have to feel like a wad of grossness around each other in order for professionalism, the contrast is so horribly stark.)
Anyway, I ended up telling my parents I'd walk home in exchange for thirty minutes to go see him while they weren't there, and it ended up that we had to keep being professional, so it wasn't all that fun. I walked home with a lump in my throat, and an inane desire to run back and kidnap him and force him to run away to Maine with me. And what is more, the blisters I got from my flip flops on the walk were completely worth seeing his face for the five extra minutes that I did. I swear, I'm sick in the head. :)
In conclusion, today has been a dramatic, whiny, gross day of grossness, brightened considerably by the two good talks I had with Miko. I just wish that I didn't have to go and take out my grumpy pants on him. Or rather, beat him in the head with my grumpy pants, because that's more fitting. Poor guy. :(
Also, whoever you are Phillip--real or not--why are you interested in listening to me sound more immature than I actually am on the internet? Please go away. Unless you are not a creeper and you really just like to listen to me blab. Thankyouandgoodnight.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
The End of Summer, Lovely Throwup, and Goals
I have two legitimate days before I go back to school. I mean to say, two days in which I would typically have to go to school, plus the weekend. I have been trying to decide if I'm stoked about this, or sad about it. On the one hand, this year is going to be the best one I've ever had. Miko and I have four semesters worth of classes together, and I am determined to suck every little drop of wonderfulness out of this fantastic life I am now leading before he goes away. On the other hand, this summer has also been fun, and come Monday, mid-day naps are over. Boooooooo.
Either way, I have been experiencing revelations on an almost daily basis. Three weeks ago, I had a panic attack just thinking about after he's gone. Three days ago I realized that I'm going to be okay. No matter what happens, I am going to make it. If Miko leaves and his family goes with him and I have to accept that I'll never see him again, I'll figure out how to move forward. If he and I end up madly in love with each other until we're ninety, the world will keep turning. But the day he leaves, I am not going to fizzle up like someone poured acid on my head. It's going to suck like nothing I've ever known, and I'm probably going to feel like I just puked up my diaphram, but I'll be okay. Human beings are resilient that way.
I think this is what most people call 'maturity'. That's cool.
Also--and it may be very narcissitic to say so--I've come to the conclusion that I am a good person. I could be a much better person, hands down, but I'm not a bad person. I want to be a good person and that probably has something to do with it. I try to be nice to everybody, I try not to talk badly about people, unless I just really need to vent. If I can only become a little more selfless and lose my desire to be given credit where credit is due. I mean, if I know that I've done the right thing, why do I need someone else to tell me so? Anyway, I'm working on it. I just felt the need to give myself a pat on the back because I really have been exerting effort, and it actually seems to be paying off.
Today for dinner, I ate four deviled eggs and two s'mores. After that, I went to run at the park and I started to feel like I needed to barf. That wasn't too bad, because I usually feel like I need to barf a little when I run. Except then I started to think about exactly what was slurping around in my stomach. And that's when I remembered that there were smores and eggs and mayonaise and mustard all mixed together in my belly. And right after that thought, came the idea of what all that stuff would look like if I DID puke it onto the pavement. And that's when I really, truly, thought that I was going to spew. I just wanted to stopstopstop. Lucky for me, it started to rain right after that, so I only ran two miles instead of three, thus avoiding what would have been the grossest puke anyone has every seen. Hooray!
Ummm, other than that I've just been sitting around all day. I took a nap, fixed myself and Ethan a yummy lunch of pasta and baked chicken, read, went through Hayley's entire blog, talked to Miko twice, and re-fell in love with him about twenty times. He's so nice.
Oh, oh, oh! I decided that I am going to make a list of things that I want to accomplish over the next ten years of my life. And I'm going to cross off those things as I go. (Does it ruin the whole thing if I confess that I mostly got this idea from A Walk to Remember? I hope not, although I was not a fan of that movie.)
Anyway, here is a first draft of the list:
#1) Get into a college that makes me really, really happy to be there. It doesn't matter why, just as long as I'm totally thrilled when I get that acceptance letter.
#2) Make it through high school in one piece. As Valedictorian. But far more importantly, as a happy, whole, person. Or...at least as a whole person.
#3) Donate hair to an organization that makes wigs.
#4) Stay up all night doing worthwhile things with someone truly amazing.
#5) Learn how to ballroom dance really sexily. (is that a word?)
#6) Find a man who is worth the rest of my lifetime.
#7) Graduate with a Bachelor's Degree that I am immensely, whole-heartedly, fantastically proud of.
#8) Go to a graduate school to become something I am gushingly passionate about.
#9) Actually learn a language.
#10) Travel abroad.
And now, because I still haven't showered since my abbreviated, almost barf inducing run, I am going to go take a shower and then read until my snuggle buddy calls me and tells me about his latest adventures.
Either way, I have been experiencing revelations on an almost daily basis. Three weeks ago, I had a panic attack just thinking about after he's gone. Three days ago I realized that I'm going to be okay. No matter what happens, I am going to make it. If Miko leaves and his family goes with him and I have to accept that I'll never see him again, I'll figure out how to move forward. If he and I end up madly in love with each other until we're ninety, the world will keep turning. But the day he leaves, I am not going to fizzle up like someone poured acid on my head. It's going to suck like nothing I've ever known, and I'm probably going to feel like I just puked up my diaphram, but I'll be okay. Human beings are resilient that way.
I think this is what most people call 'maturity'. That's cool.
Also--and it may be very narcissitic to say so--I've come to the conclusion that I am a good person. I could be a much better person, hands down, but I'm not a bad person. I want to be a good person and that probably has something to do with it. I try to be nice to everybody, I try not to talk badly about people, unless I just really need to vent. If I can only become a little more selfless and lose my desire to be given credit where credit is due. I mean, if I know that I've done the right thing, why do I need someone else to tell me so? Anyway, I'm working on it. I just felt the need to give myself a pat on the back because I really have been exerting effort, and it actually seems to be paying off.
Today for dinner, I ate four deviled eggs and two s'mores. After that, I went to run at the park and I started to feel like I needed to barf. That wasn't too bad, because I usually feel like I need to barf a little when I run. Except then I started to think about exactly what was slurping around in my stomach. And that's when I remembered that there were smores and eggs and mayonaise and mustard all mixed together in my belly. And right after that thought, came the idea of what all that stuff would look like if I DID puke it onto the pavement. And that's when I really, truly, thought that I was going to spew. I just wanted to stopstopstop. Lucky for me, it started to rain right after that, so I only ran two miles instead of three, thus avoiding what would have been the grossest puke anyone has every seen. Hooray!
Ummm, other than that I've just been sitting around all day. I took a nap, fixed myself and Ethan a yummy lunch of pasta and baked chicken, read, went through Hayley's entire blog, talked to Miko twice, and re-fell in love with him about twenty times. He's so nice.
Oh, oh, oh! I decided that I am going to make a list of things that I want to accomplish over the next ten years of my life. And I'm going to cross off those things as I go. (Does it ruin the whole thing if I confess that I mostly got this idea from A Walk to Remember? I hope not, although I was not a fan of that movie.)
Anyway, here is a first draft of the list:
#1) Get into a college that makes me really, really happy to be there. It doesn't matter why, just as long as I'm totally thrilled when I get that acceptance letter.
#2) Make it through high school in one piece. As Valedictorian. But far more importantly, as a happy, whole, person. Or...at least as a whole person.
#3) Donate hair to an organization that makes wigs.
#4) Stay up all night doing worthwhile things with someone truly amazing.
#5) Learn how to ballroom dance really sexily. (is that a word?)
#6) Find a man who is worth the rest of my lifetime.
#7) Graduate with a Bachelor's Degree that I am immensely, whole-heartedly, fantastically proud of.
#8) Go to a graduate school to become something I am gushingly passionate about.
#9) Actually learn a language.
#10) Travel abroad.
And now, because I still haven't showered since my abbreviated, almost barf inducing run, I am going to go take a shower and then read until my snuggle buddy calls me and tells me about his latest adventures.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I am making an attempt to start a blog for two reasons.
#1) I realized during the hell hole that was freshmen English, that when I consistently write everyday, there is noticeable improvement in my writing. In lots of ways. So, I guess I have to say " Thank you, dear Faulkner, for torturing me." Perhaps there was indeed some method to your madness.
#2) I am the kind of person who carries what haleyghoover calls an 'emotional backpack', and the second best way (second only to talking to Miko) to unload that backpack a little bit is to write.
So here goes!
Today, after soccer practice, I came home and took a shower and then ate two eggs and two pancakes. They were positively delicious. After that, I layed around and read, then took a nap. I awoke from my nap to find that my mother had company, so I had to be normal and not walk around in no clothes or pee with the door open.
Shortly after I was awoken, Miko called, and we discussed hyphenated last names and making molds of my body so that we could bake cakes in a pan designed in my naked, curvy, likeness. It would be a very large and shapely cake, but since we both love cake that would be okay. I decided that I would start eating such a cake by sawing off my boobs and scarfing them down. I don't know what caused us to decide on a cake pan mold of me, but who cares?! All around, it was a fabulous conversation. It ended when I had to go eat ratatouille. I am sure glad that kid is around.
More recently, my mother and I just got into an argument which is rare for us. Also, it's funny, because when she fights with me she makes no sense and I have to go round and round in circles restating the same points. Before long, I don't even know why I'm fighting, but whatev.
I am pretty sure that she only bitches like that because I'm the one she takes all of her emotions out on--good/bad, logical/crazy. This idea is restated by the fact that she always apologizes. And besides that, sometimes, she just needs someone to bitch at. Don't we all.
I am convinced that my little wiener dog is sick or something. She keeps running around rubbing her head on the floor and hiding in blankets. She's a weird dog anyway, but why in God's name would you run your head into the floor.
I'm sleepy now, so I'm gonna go wait for my lover to call upon me and remind that he cares about me because maybe I need someone outside of my family to tell me that sometimes. Perhaps that makes me a typical damsel in distress, but I don't care. Not when it comes to that.
: )
P.S. Sarah Dessen makes me feel reflective, nostalgic, and enlightened. She's a special person.
#1) I realized during the hell hole that was freshmen English, that when I consistently write everyday, there is noticeable improvement in my writing. In lots of ways. So, I guess I have to say " Thank you, dear Faulkner, for torturing me." Perhaps there was indeed some method to your madness.
#2) I am the kind of person who carries what haleyghoover calls an 'emotional backpack', and the second best way (second only to talking to Miko) to unload that backpack a little bit is to write.
So here goes!
Today, after soccer practice, I came home and took a shower and then ate two eggs and two pancakes. They were positively delicious. After that, I layed around and read, then took a nap. I awoke from my nap to find that my mother had company, so I had to be normal and not walk around in no clothes or pee with the door open.
Shortly after I was awoken, Miko called, and we discussed hyphenated last names and making molds of my body so that we could bake cakes in a pan designed in my naked, curvy, likeness. It would be a very large and shapely cake, but since we both love cake that would be okay. I decided that I would start eating such a cake by sawing off my boobs and scarfing them down. I don't know what caused us to decide on a cake pan mold of me, but who cares?! All around, it was a fabulous conversation. It ended when I had to go eat ratatouille. I am sure glad that kid is around.
More recently, my mother and I just got into an argument which is rare for us. Also, it's funny, because when she fights with me she makes no sense and I have to go round and round in circles restating the same points. Before long, I don't even know why I'm fighting, but whatev.
I am pretty sure that she only bitches like that because I'm the one she takes all of her emotions out on--good/bad, logical/crazy. This idea is restated by the fact that she always apologizes. And besides that, sometimes, she just needs someone to bitch at. Don't we all.
I am convinced that my little wiener dog is sick or something. She keeps running around rubbing her head on the floor and hiding in blankets. She's a weird dog anyway, but why in God's name would you run your head into the floor.
I'm sleepy now, so I'm gonna go wait for my lover to call upon me and remind that he cares about me because maybe I need someone outside of my family to tell me that sometimes. Perhaps that makes me a typical damsel in distress, but I don't care. Not when it comes to that.
: )
P.S. Sarah Dessen makes me feel reflective, nostalgic, and enlightened. She's a special person.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
