My life is becoming an anxious place to live lately. I'm struggling to compensate for the lost time between my Mock Trial practices and dance team practices (which are ALWAYS AT THE SAME TIME!!).
I'm also really having a super hard time feeling the love from Miko's parents who seem to have purposefully and effectively cut off Miko's connections to me. We have resorted to secret late night IMing which is a little aggravating. It's done one really cool, amazing thing for us though, which is allow us to see and fully appreciate the core strength of our relationship. The lack of communication hasn't strained us at all, which is so cool and impressive! What has really strained ME though, is the flagrant dislike I'm feeling from the whole thing. I've always done everything I could to get along and bond with his mom, because I already have one major parental issue and I don't need anymore. On top of that, I love him enough and am good to him enough that I feel like I deserve to be respected for that, and I'm obviously not. Hmph.
I know I sound kind of whiny and I AM really busy but I'm so happy too. I have someone talk to. I have someone who talks to me. I'm happy the whole day long. So yeah, my grandparents have got my an anxious mess and my boyfriend's mother is less than wonderful to me but I have the things I need to be wonderfully happy. So don't let me fool anyone into thinking anything otherwise. :)
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Cool stuff.
One of my econ. goals is to blog at least once a week. I don't remember writing it down, but at one point I had some of my priorities straight so maybe I should, you know, once again pursue that one. I swear I'm not usually so bad at keeping up with the things I want to accomplish. As a matter of fact, one of my greatest strengths is the ability to i achieve whatever it is that I want. I just...really suck at this one. Yikes.
Anyway, a short entry tonight because I have to try to go to sleep in ten minutes so that I don't feel all mono-y tomorrow. Ahhh, tomorrow. I love the schedule I gave myself for tomorrow. I have English first thing in the morning which is easy and the hardest part is dealing with my perverty man-teacher. (Note: I am in no way a man hater. As a matter of fact I get along far better with men than with girls at this point. He's just uber creepy. I would also add that he's black, but I'm not racist either and it sounds bad. My godfather--who I LOVE TO DEATH--is black and so that has NOTHING to do with it. He's just so darn creepy.) And after that I have Spanish 2, in which the teacher is sooo annoying and I don't really learn much of the language, BUT, if I make it through that I get to work the library with my beau. Then I go to eat goldfish in my ed-op class while I surf the net, then lunch, then Drawing 2 with Miko and a few other really cool senior friends. So if I survive the first two periods which are really very easy I have it smooth sailing!!! Yay for optimism!
Something that helped make my day: In Economics this morning we had "Self-Reflection Day". It sounds very free-spirited, and it is, which is surprising since our teacher is a major masculine conservative dude. Basically we went around the room and for each person people raised their hands and said something they liked about them. This exercise was uplifting and though-provoking, but what it really did for me was help me to realize just how far I've come in the past few years. Throughout elementary and middle school I was definitively known as the "smart girl". I always thought it was better than some other titles I could think of and since I was anneal about my academics and very successful it didn't bother me TOO much.
However, I wrote a letter to myself the summer before my eighth grade year and in it I wrote about who I wanted to become by the time I became an adult. I wrote that I wanted to be remembered and thought of as the the girl who was not only smart but also nice. The person who was Morgan, who looked at people and knew they needed hugs and gave them. The person who was there, and not only in the mediocre sense that phrase is usually used in. In Econ. today quite a few people raised their hands when my name was announced. Some of them I knew very well, but most of them I never had class with or hung out outside of school with. Most of them were people who had only vague impression of who I am. What struck me this morning was that not one person mentioned the grades I work so diligently to achieve or the intellectual tone I was formerly known for, although I'm sure it still exists. Instead, people told me that I was the kindest most uplifting person they knew. They said that they had never, not once seen me being anything but nice to anyone, whether I knew them or not. People I don't like told me I was very likeable and fun and optimistic.
I'm not saying these things because they were total confidence builders that my big head is feasting on. I have a very good level of confidence, so they didn't make me feel like a total winner. They made me feel content though. They made me realize that the adult I strove to become only two years ago is already developing. They made me realize that I'd finally achieved something that mattered. And that is a cool feeling for anybody, cocky or not.
goodnight!
Anyway, a short entry tonight because I have to try to go to sleep in ten minutes so that I don't feel all mono-y tomorrow. Ahhh, tomorrow. I love the schedule I gave myself for tomorrow. I have English first thing in the morning which is easy and the hardest part is dealing with my perverty man-teacher. (Note: I am in no way a man hater. As a matter of fact I get along far better with men than with girls at this point. He's just uber creepy. I would also add that he's black, but I'm not racist either and it sounds bad. My godfather--who I LOVE TO DEATH--is black and so that has NOTHING to do with it. He's just so darn creepy.) And after that I have Spanish 2, in which the teacher is sooo annoying and I don't really learn much of the language, BUT, if I make it through that I get to work the library with my beau. Then I go to eat goldfish in my ed-op class while I surf the net, then lunch, then Drawing 2 with Miko and a few other really cool senior friends. So if I survive the first two periods which are really very easy I have it smooth sailing!!! Yay for optimism!
Something that helped make my day: In Economics this morning we had "Self-Reflection Day". It sounds very free-spirited, and it is, which is surprising since our teacher is a major masculine conservative dude. Basically we went around the room and for each person people raised their hands and said something they liked about them. This exercise was uplifting and though-provoking, but what it really did for me was help me to realize just how far I've come in the past few years. Throughout elementary and middle school I was definitively known as the "smart girl". I always thought it was better than some other titles I could think of and since I was anneal about my academics and very successful it didn't bother me TOO much.
However, I wrote a letter to myself the summer before my eighth grade year and in it I wrote about who I wanted to become by the time I became an adult. I wrote that I wanted to be remembered and thought of as the the girl who was not only smart but also nice. The person who was Morgan, who looked at people and knew they needed hugs and gave them. The person who was there, and not only in the mediocre sense that phrase is usually used in. In Econ. today quite a few people raised their hands when my name was announced. Some of them I knew very well, but most of them I never had class with or hung out outside of school with. Most of them were people who had only vague impression of who I am. What struck me this morning was that not one person mentioned the grades I work so diligently to achieve or the intellectual tone I was formerly known for, although I'm sure it still exists. Instead, people told me that I was the kindest most uplifting person they knew. They said that they had never, not once seen me being anything but nice to anyone, whether I knew them or not. People I don't like told me I was very likeable and fun and optimistic.
I'm not saying these things because they were total confidence builders that my big head is feasting on. I have a very good level of confidence, so they didn't make me feel like a total winner. They made me feel content though. They made me realize that the adult I strove to become only two years ago is already developing. They made me realize that I'd finally achieved something that mattered. And that is a cool feeling for anybody, cocky or not.
goodnight!
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