The End of Summer, Lovely Throwup, and Goals

I have two legitimate days before I go back to school. I mean to say, two days in which I would typically have to go to school, plus the weekend. I have been trying to decide if I'm stoked about this, or sad about it. On the one hand, this year is going to be the best one I've ever had. Miko and I have four semesters worth of classes together, and I am determined to suck every little drop of wonderfulness out of this fantastic life I am now leading before he goes away. On the other hand, this summer has also been fun, and come Monday, mid-day naps are over. Boooooooo.

Either way, I have been experiencing revelations on an almost daily basis. Three weeks ago, I had a panic attack just thinking about after he's gone. Three days ago I realized that I'm going to be okay. No matter what happens, I am going to make it. If Miko leaves and his family goes with him and I have to accept that I'll never see him again, I'll figure out how to move forward. If he and I end up madly in love with each other until we're ninety, the world will keep turning. But the day he leaves, I am not going to fizzle up like someone poured acid on my head. It's going to suck like nothing I've ever known, and I'm probably going to feel like I just puked up my diaphram, but I'll be okay. Human beings are resilient that way.
I think this is what most people call 'maturity'. That's cool.

Also--and it may be very narcissitic to say so--I've come to the conclusion that I am a good person. I could be a much better person, hands down, but I'm not a bad person. I want to be a good person and that probably has something to do with it. I try to be nice to everybody, I try not to talk badly about people, unless I just really need to vent. If I can only become a little more selfless and lose my desire to be given credit where credit is due. I mean, if I know that I've done the right thing, why do I need someone else to tell me so? Anyway, I'm working on it. I just felt the need to give myself a pat on the back because I really have been exerting effort, and it actually seems to be paying off.

Today for dinner, I ate four deviled eggs and two s'mores. After that, I went to run at the park and I started to feel like I needed to barf. That wasn't too bad, because I usually feel like I need to barf a little when I run. Except then I started to think about exactly what was slurping around in my stomach. And that's when I remembered that there were smores and eggs and mayonaise and mustard all mixed together in my belly. And right after that thought, came the idea of what all that stuff would look like if I DID puke it onto the pavement. And that's when I really, truly, thought that I was going to spew. I just wanted to stopstopstop. Lucky for me, it started to rain right after that, so I only ran two miles instead of three, thus avoiding what would have been the grossest puke anyone has every seen. Hooray!

Ummm, other than that I've just been sitting around all day. I took a nap, fixed myself and Ethan a yummy lunch of pasta and baked chicken, read, went through Hayley's entire blog, talked to Miko twice, and re-fell in love with him about twenty times. He's so nice.

Oh, oh, oh! I decided that I am going to make a list of things that I want to accomplish over the next ten years of my life. And I'm going to cross off those things as I go. (Does it ruin the whole thing if I confess that I mostly got this idea from A Walk to Remember? I hope not, although I was not a fan of that movie.)
Anyway, here is a first draft of the list:
#1) Get into a college that makes me really, really happy to be there. It doesn't matter why, just as long as I'm totally thrilled when I get that acceptance letter.
#2) Make it through high school in one piece. As Valedictorian. But far more importantly, as a happy, whole, person. Or...at least as a whole person.
#3) Donate hair to an organization that makes wigs.
#4) Stay up all night doing worthwhile things with someone truly amazing.
#5) Learn how to ballroom dance really sexily. (is that a word?)
#6) Find a man who is worth the rest of my lifetime.
#7) Graduate with a Bachelor's Degree that I am immensely, whole-heartedly, fantastically proud of.
#8) Go to a graduate school to become something I am gushingly passionate about.
#9) Actually learn a language.
#10) Travel abroad.

And now, because I still haven't showered since my abbreviated, almost barf inducing run, I am going to go take a shower and then read until my snuggle buddy calls me and tells me about his latest adventures.